All Posts, poetry, Uncategorized

Episodes NOT on Netflix.

My high functioning anxiety feels like…
And it also feels like…
And it kisses my forehead but its saliva seeps into my brain , and it feels like…
And my sentences are never complete because the snake wrapped around my throat feels like…
And sometimes when I think my heart is dancing it turns out it’s actually trying to escape and that, ladies and gentlemen, feels like…
And the tears in my eyes try to get me seeing with rose–colored glasses but sometimes it just feels like…
And the tears roll but there is no reason, it just feels like…
And the reason I can’t express how I feel is because I simultaneously have no feelings at all.
But when the episode ends, I’m me again, except what is me?
For, I’m not certain who I would be if there were no snake, no rose-colored glasses, or kisses on my forehead.
So next I ask, who are you?

poetry, Uncategorized

I am a try-hard.

I have been described as a “try-hard”.

My parents find that extremely shocking.

I don’t find it hard to believe until a lecture from my aforementioned parents occurs.

You know, the ones where disappointment is neatly sown into every sentence?

And here I thought I was doing my best.

Thank you for letting me know I am not.


“You need to communicate better”

But I grew up fearing the consequences of my words.


“You need to learn to be more independent”

You have taught me to live in reliance of you.


“Stop fucking around”

I’m just trying to cope with things.


“What do you even have to be worried about?”

I would make you a list but, as stated earlier, I am a bad communicator.


“I didn’t raise you to be like this”

Except, you kinda did.


“This is why you need to double check things”

Yeah, except if I doubled everything on my to-do list I would have a life-ending anxiety attack.


“You should have called me”

But I thought I needed to be independent?


“You shouldn’t have asked for their help”

Yeah, because you’re so readily available.


“Do what makes you happy”

But only if you approve, right?


“You’re not gay”

Please tell me that while I’m licking my girlfriend’s pussy.


I don’t know how to make you happy anymore.

I don’t know if it’s even possible.


But I’ve been described as a “try-hard”

so I guess…

that means…

I haven’t given up on every one

unfortunately, just you.