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safeguard

I feel an amplitude of hurt
despite the passing of time
I aim to guard my heart
so I lie;
    I say that this
        will cease, yet I cry

the safeguard I use
is hollow at most
the ideals I had,
barely a ghost

they lie in my bed
where your hips used to be
I think of your kiss
and how it was hard to breathe

fallacies fill my heart
I say that this is fine
yet they leave and
now I am dying

the brown colored eyes 
are not the same
and it hurts to make contact,
my heart is to blame.

but for now I will tell it
that this is okay,
this is alright,
I am having a good day
well, 
eventually I might.





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Uncategorized

Undeserving

The way I feel

Undeserving

Of your kindness

The way my

Heart feels

During every day

But your laugh

When you

Call me at night

It’s your eyes

When we’re

Together, side by side

It’s the way we

Fit together

Just right

I wish that you

Were mine

But I can be

Patient since

I’ve waited this long

I want you

Like I’ve never

Wanted anything

I hope that we

Can be

A pair

I won’t forget

How I feel

When you hold me

And touch my hair

I could let us

Fade away

And if that is

What you want

Then that’s okay

But why would I

Lose someone

Who is so

Perfect

Someone who

Makes my

Heart

Remember how

To beat

I just want

You,

Someone who

Is so perfect

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Sync

I’ve been unsure for years,

Never saw a light appear,

The dark was my trouble

The positives have doubled,

Those eyes

Those lips

Those brows

That kiss

I felt it right away

All I want is for you to stay

Your mind

Your hair

Your smile

That stare

I want it all forever to stay

This perfect and happy,

For us it may,

I felt it immediately

Like the universe was yelling,

All I can think of is how you’re telling

Me that I’m cute

And that I matter

And you’re being patient

And kind

And making my heartbeats scatter

You’ve become my light,

I think you might be it

The one for me

One day we will turn

Into one

Eventually

I hope that then

You can see

This poem I wrote

In the bath afloat

After the first time you left

I couldn’t help but think

That you and I are completely

In sync

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Donuts

I’m not whole anymore

I’m not in a hole anymore

The blackness has receded

But my effort is depleted

What is this gray

Like that of a dreary day

My words are heavy

and you just won’t let me

Stand up off the floor

I want nothing more

If I could say the perfect thing

without tears that sting

I’d say it all

To keep from the fall

And it’s hard to recover

From all these blunders.

My heart expands like a balloon

and then POP it’s gone too soon.

Will this cycle settle

or am I stuck with this boiling kettle.

Because I’m not whole anymore

but they grayness keeps me on the floor.

 

 

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Gardenia

You are as sensitive as a venus fly trap

You are as delicate as a gardenia

You close and discolor

At the slightest touch or bother

Silence consumes the laughter

The laughter never really seems to matter

When will I do anything right

When will we have a normal night

I can’t say anything

I can’t do anything

I can’t be anything

I can’t feel anything

I can understand your side

Yet you throw mine to the tide

My feelings grow like a vine

Then the night comes just in time

Feelings of horror

Feelings of guilt

I will continue to hide under this quilt

Because apologizing doesn’t do right

and this is now my normal night.

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